It’s an early morning on my introductory day at my first job ever, I enter the toilet to make the most nervous poop of my life when my boss comes knocking on the side‐board in the next stall, quoting “Don’t worry, you will do well” ; for a minute it got me confused whether she was talking about my career at the company or the poop I was about to make. And who talks in the washroom with a stranger like that? And thus, began my journey of workplace washroom conversations.
A bathroom which was originally designed to carry out the most private human acts in absolute seclusion has now become an office spot to share gossips and tittle‐tattle because where else to go?
Nope, (consider a long mischievous grin here) If you think that I need some kind of entertainment with your unapologetic-ally weird conversations while I’m doing my business, WELL NO! but sooner or later you come across the culture of every happy office; THE BATHROOM BANTER.
If you think about it, intentionally or unintentionally, somehow bathroom becomes the heart of every happy office. Think about the multi-functional things a restroom allows you to do. Well, down below are a few conversational pieces that I have witnessed in workplace restrooms that I’m sure you will relate to.
“If I could drown my boss and not go to jail, life would have been simpler”.
If I had a penny for every time an employee has walked into the washroom saying “I love my boss” I would be poorer than I’m today because the reality is the exact opposite. If bosses could install microphones in the restrooms they would hear words like “hate” and “kill” more than the sound of a toilet being flushed.So bosses, the next time you see an employee rushing to the washroom slamming the door, he is going in there for more than crap.
“Oh My God! You won’t believe, what I just heard ?”
Amidst tons of workload one surely enjoys a session of some refreshing office gossip to make through the rest of the day but sadly conventional offices with small, tight and adjacent lined cubicles don’t allow them to breathe forget alone gossiping which is when bathroom sessions come into place. You know the look in the eye of your coworker who has a juicy gossip that makes you swiftly get up from your seat and magically takes you to the bathroom!
“I need an emotional vent out, okay?”
Things happen, okay? Your co-worker, your boyfriend (who acts like he’s not your boyfriend) or your boss, anyone can make you tear up with just one inappropriate word in an inappropriate tone – and there we go! Thank god for washrooms! Don’t forget to carry your Personal Hygiene Essential – PeeSafe Toilet Seat Sanitizer spray with you before going to the washroom.
“Baby, Can we eat out tonight ?”
A long cringing day at work with the boss breathing down your neck all day long and you feel like going on a dinner date with your loved one, where do you go to call them up? Yes, bathroom to the rescue again. Every time I enter the washroom I see at least one person standing in a corner covering one’s mouth and talking over the phone. It’s sad though, that corporate culture is so structured and pretentious sometimes that it doesn’t allow a person to have a phone call in peace.
“I’m so going to crack this deal today”
Yes, the self-mirror talk. Whether it’s an important meeting, a major conference or the big review day, I have seen most people prep ‐talk themselves in front of the washroom mirror.You are lying if you have never prepared a presentation in front of the office mirror. Nope, I don’t believe you!
The most random conversations happen in a washroom starting from toilet paper and ending at your neighbor’s friend’s husband’s dog food. In an office environment where a professional code of conduct is expected from every colleague, toilet acts as a therapy room to burst one’s stress out. However weird it may sound, it is actually a lot of fun.
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